Support the Ronald McDonald House Charities

The RMHC is one of our favorite Charities for some very obvious reasons.  Thanks to them, we had a free place to stay in December of 2000, when our son, Sullivan, was flown to Toledo because he stopped breathing and needed specialized care.  At the time, the hospital in Toledo was an hour and a half from home and our son 5.5 weeks old.  We didn’t know if we were coming or going, how long we’d be in Toledo with him…but the hospital and the House in Toledo made it easier on us.

Not only was staying in the house free, but food was provided.  There was a full pantry with every food imaginable stocked from quick snacks to components of a healthy dinner.  To our amazement, the counters in the kitchen were overflowing with treats that had been donated.  Every sweet, rich comfort food you can imagine was there: cupcakes, cookies, coffee cake, chocolate cake, candies…the list goes on.  It was just before Christmas and the Ronald McDonald House was apparently high on the list of places for people tomake donations at that time of year.

 In subsequent stays throughout the following two years, it became obvious that the House had support, but it was most apparent in the Christmas season.  During the rest of the year, it was quietly dedicated volunteers who kept the house running.  They did not offer as many treats or as many gifts for the families that stayed there, but what they helped maintain was a clean, peaceful place to stay with warm, caring people who were almost always willing to talk.  Once, when we stayed in July, we decided that it was a place that knows the true feeling of the Holiday season….year round.  We found the same caring support in July that we’d found in December.  In December the level of support astounded us, but we kind of passed it off on the Holiday season’s affects on people.  When the generosity level was the same in July, we felt profoundly grateful for the RMH.

Supporting the RMH came in many ways.  For some, saving pop tabs is the easiest way to help.   By recycling the pop tabs, the House is able to earn the money to buy groceries throughout the year.  For others, giving money is easiest.  This money often goes into maintaining the individual rooms in the House.  For others, giving their time makes the most sense.   Volunteers maintain the House and make it run.  The people that give their time to the House are committed to helping the families staying there.  Some volunteers commit to a day of helping and others make a monthly or semi-yearly commitment. 

After Sullivan died in 2002, and we’d had some time to mourn, we decided to make a trip back to “the home away from home” which we had gotten to know so well.  We knew we wanted to volunteer, but we weren’t sure what kind of commitment we could make.  At first, we made a meal each month.  At that time the RMH in Toledo was just starting its “Dinner on the House” program.  I’m not sure it was even an organized effort at the point.  But we came once a month and made a meal, usually crockpot chili, for the families staying there.  Sometimes we made it ahead of time, other times we cooked it there.  Sometimes we brought the food to be used and other times we  used the food the House provided.  It was a very flexible set up.  We usually made a carnivore version and a vegetarian version.

It was a very good experience for us.  It kept us in touch with people that had helped us through some very hard times, making it harder to feel totally alone in our grief.  It also helped us feel that we were giving something back to an organization that helped us significantly.  As time went on, we progressed from just providing meals, to doing light chores around the House.  We eventually made a commitment to be there once a month to help out in any way we could for a Sunday afternoon.  We took the kids with us and they helped as they were able.

Every year,  RMHC sponsors something called World Children’s Day on November 20th.  It’s a fundraising effort for the organization, usually channeled through local McDonald’s restaurants. (McDonald’s restaurants and the RMHC are only loosely affiliated by name and founder. They are, in fact, seperate entities.)  Giving a donation during this fundraising drive is one way to give support to the Ronald McDonald House Charities. 

The RMHC does so much more than just provide a “home away from home” to families whose children are hospitalized.  They support families around the world through their Houses, Family rooms set up in hospitals to help families find some peace during their time there, and through their Care Mobile program which helps children in need with medical services on a worldwide basis.  There is more information on their website about each of these programs and about ways to help.  Please consider doing something to support this organization.  It doesn’t take much to remove a tab from your pop can (or soda can or beer can or cat food can).  Each tab makes a difference to the RMHC, though.

 

The Village that Supports us.

I’d like to take today, November 7th, to remember the larger village that supports our family.  In particular, I want to recognize groups that have helped my family through the hardest of times.  They made the darkest days a little easier to bear, and shared in every day triumphs that we celebrated through those dark times.

Without our family, we would have been lost.  Our parents gave so much of their time and energy to make our lives easier, and better, during Sullivan’s lifetime.  My in laws took time daily with both of our children, giving us breaks whenever they could.  We lived with them in the beginning of Sullivan’s life and they wrapped us up in their love and support through all that we went through.  It was tense, stressful, heartbreaking at times, but we could not have made it through those first four months TOGETHER without their help.  My own parents took time off of work to be there through the first week in the hospital with Sullivan.  After he was released, they came out once a month for a weekend and gave us what breaks they could.  Toph and I went away for our anniversary that year, and it was largely because our parents (both sets) took it upon themselves to care for our children for the weekend and honestly, they shoved us out the door.  They were not only caring for their grandchildren, but for their children.  We so  needed the time away to recharge.

Our siblings gave us emotional support, and also help with the kids (especially with Jillian).  My brother, who I think has a dislike of phones since I rarely talk with him, was very careful to be sure that I knew I could call him at any time if I needed to talk with him.  He and I may  not be close on a daily basis, but he’s always been there when I needed a shoulder.  My sister in law was always there and ready to be the “Best Aunt in the World” and she helped tremendously with Jillian throughout Sullivan’s life.  She was also always ready to cheer Sullivan on to new accomplishments.  These are just examples of the support our siblings gave us.

Friends of ours and of our families pulled through in amazing ways.  When we brought Sullivan home from the hospital with a trach and a gtube, requiring 24 hour care every day of the week, we had friends bringing us dinner once a week so that we wouldn’t have to worry about it.  We had friends helping us with our daughter in the afternoons so that I was free to concentrate on Sullivan and all the administration details that went along with doctors and insurance.  We had friends mailing and emailing us words of encouragement, sending prayers winging our way from long distances, and holding us in their thoughts with love and support.  Without the encouragement of all of these people, we would have felt very  alone as we struggled along.

Then we get into the groups and organizations that helped us.  The hospital where Sullivan spent a lot of his life was wonderful.  I can’t say enough good things about the doctors and nurses of Toledo Children’s Hospital.  They took care of our son with skill and compassion.  They also took care of us, the family, with a sensitivity that warmed our hearts.  One nurse in particular took care of Sullivan, and she seemed to have adopted our family too.   She would bully me to sleep, or to eat, or push until I released the overwhelming feelings that I was holding back.  Then she’d hug me as I cried.  I’m sure none of that was in her job description, but she went the extra mile and we’ve always been thankful for her care.

The Ronald McDonald House Charities of Northwest Ohio provided us a place to stay that was steps from the hospital.  They claim it is the house that love built, and since our many stays with them I believe it is also the house that builds love.  I can’t go into the many ways this organization helped our family today, but look for more about them later this month.  Time spent in Toledo at the hospital with Sullivan would have been far more difficult, though, had the RMHC not been there.  We continue to be very thankful for their support.

The Defiance Area Visiting Nurses and Hospice, the Caring Way were instrumental in caring for Sullivan at home throughout his life.  They were caring people who  responded to our son’s needs and to ours with compassion and support.   This is another group that I cannot say enough good things about.  I probably would have gone mad had it not been for their willingness to talk with me when they visited to take care of Sullivan.  They were often the only contact I had with the outside world for weeks, aside from family.

Sullivan also had several therapists and state-provided case workers who took the extra time with him, and who became beloved members of our extended family.  We treasure the memories each of these people gave to us, the time they spent urging Sullivan on to do more, and the encouragement they gave  us as they worked with him.  We continue to appreciate all of the efforts they made to help Sullivan reach for his full potential.

 I know there are people I have not mentioned by name, or even directly alluded to.  If you read this, please know that I appreciate every thing you’ve done for our family through Sullivan’s life and since then.  Without our “Village” to support us, we would not have been able to survive the hardest times we’ve ever had to face.  Without all of you who made your presence known to us, we would have felt very alone.

My thanks to everyone who supported us and continues to send us encouragement.  You all make my days come alive.

This post has been written in memory of Sullivan Ira.  November 7th was his birthday.

 

Lynn: Playing with Words

Lynn is a freelance writer and mother of four.  She authors the blog called Virtual Wordsmith where she explores her experiences as a writer,  interviews other authors, and also reviews books.  She also has a blog, Family in a Blender , which explores the joys and challenges of Stepfamilies, also known as Blended Families. 

wfg: Describe your family life.
Lynn: I am a happily married mother of four children, a daughter - just shy of 18, a stepson - 16, and two sons - 10 and 5.  We have a yours, mine and ours dynamic, as three of the children are from previous marriages or relationships, the youngest child being “ours”.  We do, however, refer to all of the kids as ours. 

wfg:  What special joys or challenges accompany having your children’s ages spread between almost 18 and 5?
Lynn:  There are so many joys it would be tough to choose just one. 
 
One of my favorite memories is of my daughter, holding my youngest son in her arms when he was just a baby, and dancing with him.  He was sound asleep on her shoulder and she was singing to him.  I had this super-imposed vision of her dancing with him at her wedding, with her head on his shoulder.
 
The challenges are many.  Each child is unique, and alike, in that they are all strong personalities and leaders in their own ways.  We run into issues with bedtimes, because the older two want to stay up later.  I run into issues with the 10 year old, because he wants to do the things the 16 year old does, but he’s not quite old enough yet.  Committing the entire family to one activity is also a trick, because the older two already have their own lives, with friends and jobs. 

wfg:  How would you describe your parenting style?
Lynn:  My parenting style is semi-attachment.  I breastfed all of my babies (the first two for 6 months each, the last for 9 months), but did not co-sleep.  I have been a stay at home or work at home mom for what seems like forever.  
 
wfg:  What are your hobbies?
 Lynn:  I love to read.  Lately I’ve had 2 or 3 books going at once, which is new for me.  Cooking is one of my great passions.  I also love to hike in the woods.

wfg:  What kinds of things do you like to cook?  Will you share a favorite recipe?
Lynn:  I love to bake.  Cookies, sweet breads, cakes, candies.  I do not bake breads, though.  I leave that up to my husband.  Yeast and I do not get along.  I also love to do the “home cooked meal” thing - Pot Roast, Turkey with all the trimmings, Soups, Roasted Chicken, Lasagna.
 
My favorite recipe is Guinness Pot Roast.  You can find the recipe here.

wfg:  Are you living the life you thought you’d be living?
Lynn:  I am living the life I envisioned, in many ways.  I always knew I’d have at least 3 children, I’d hoped to be married to someone who was my best friend and partner, and I wanted to raise my children in a small town.  I have achieved those things.
 
I didn’t expect to be living in the Mid West, raising a step child and only seeing my parents and siblings once every 5 years or so.

wfg: You said you didn’t expect to live in the Mid West:  What’s your favorite thing about living there now?
Lynn:  My favorite thing about living here now is the land.  Rich, dark fertile soil, beautiful and varying scenery no matter which part of Minnesota you travel, the power of the Summer storms, the quiet after a 12 inch snowfall.  If I had to live anywhere other than where I grew up, Minnesota is the best place I could have ended up.

wfg:  Describe your average day.
Lynn:  My average day begins with coffee and checking emails.  Then, I make sure the kids are up and out the door to school with everything they need.  Once the kids are on their way, I take a shower, wash dishes and prep things for dinner.  I do a couple of loads of laundry a day. 
 
The remainder of my day is spent reading, writing and researching for my blog and freelance writing.  I have surrounded myself with words, in one way or another, and I am loving my work!

wfg:  How did you decide to become a freelance writer?
Lynn:  I became a freelance writer because I’d read through magazines and think “I could’ve written that.”  I love words, I love playing with words, and I love sharing my thoughts with others.  I describe it as a compulsion. 
 
wfg:  What do you find most satisfying about being a writer?
Lynn:  As an avid reader, I find myself educated, entertained and moved by other people’s words.  If and when I accomplish those same things with my writing, I am elated.  I also love the research part of writing.  I am perpetually curious, a life-long student and writing gives me an outlet to discover information and then share it with others.

You can find out more about Lynn from her website and from either of her blogs. 

 Thank you, Lynn, for finding the time to talk to me about your interests and family!

 

Conclusion: Lori and Home Schooling

I want to start by thanking Lori for letting me interview her for this new blog.  I know she stays busy with her kids and with making necklaces, so I really appreciate her taking the time to work with me.

 I learned a lot more about home schooling after talking with her.  Socialization is the big thing that caught my eye, as you probably noticed.  I’ve always had tucked in the back of my head the idea that school is better for socializing our kids and much of what I read on the topic challenged that idea.   I’ve always had great respect for parents who choose to home school, since I know it takes organization and dedication to their children.  I watched my aunt home school her children for many years and saw how they thrived and how much energy she gave to them in the process.  Now I have many friends who home school and I continue to be in awe of the commitment they make to helping their children reach their potential.

 Another occupation that takes organization, dedication, and commitment is that of freelance writer.  I’m just stepping out into the writing world in a serious way, and I have been fortunate to have a friend who is already working as a freelance writer.  Her name is Lynn and she’s becoming very well known for her blog, Virtual Wordsmith, thanks to her author interviews and book reviews.  My interview with Lynn will be coming soon!

 

Socialization and Homeschooling

Hathor the CowGoddess on Socialization and Homeschooling

Just this link for today.  If you’ve never seen the Hathor comics you should check them out!!!

 

To Home School or not to Home School

Since my daughter first started going to school, I’ve considered homeschooling her.  She is a very bright child and she has always loved school.  My husband and I have always been concerned with finding public schools that are able to meet her educational needs. When we have trouble finding those schools, we start investigating our options.  It’s something we revisit almost on an annual basis because of how often we’ve moved since she started school.

Here’s a list of the issues that we’ve given thought to when making our decisions:

1. Will the school be able to keep her engaged and interested?  Do they have a gifted program?  Do they have programs to help students at all levels succeed?

2. What about socialization?  I think this article really highlights some reasons homeschooling has an edge over public schools on this issue.  Usually I hear the argument swayed more towards the public schools, so it was interesting to read a different point of view.

3. What if she and I can’t get along for so many hours in a day? Mommy doesn’t always do very well when both kids are home all day, every day, for endless stretches of time.

4.This article addresses the skills of the parent as educator. I generally have trouble explaining things to her, and I usually let my husband help her with homework because she and I seem to have problems understanding the other’s way of thinking. What it would be like if I was trying to teach her all day, every day?

5. Is the school safe, both from physical violence and from mental/emotional bullying?  Lori mentioned that part of her decision to homeschool was the level of violence present in the schools in her area. I always worry about my daughter because she isn’t very street smart, but she also manages to be the “friend to everyone” so I guess she’s found a way around that.

6. How much will it cost? I cannot afford to lay out a lot of money for a curriculum and supplies, but then again, the field trips have been sapping money from us in incredible ways this year in the public school!

7. Will the school teach her what I think she needs to learn (or not to teach her what I don’t think she needs to learn?)  The last school our daughter was in had a penchant for bringing other people’s religious beliefs into the classroom, which didn’t thrill us. If it had been a balance between various religions, we wouldn’t have batted an eye, but every bit of the exposure was from one particular religion…and this was a PUBLIC school! What happened to seperation of church and state?

8. Are the laws supportive of homeschooling? 

9.Is the community friendly toward homeschoolers, with plenty of places to go to enrich learning?

So far, we’ve found in favor of public schools.  Our daughter has greatly influenced this decision, since she loves going to school every day.  As long as she is happy to go and is obviously learning new things, I’m personally happy to stick with public schools.  A lot of parents choose to homeschool.  It’s a decision that has to be made by each family, sometimes by each child in the family, according to the needs they need met.  It’s a decision we seem to face every time we move.

 

How much does it cost to be a stay at home mom?

This article by MP Dunleavey is posted on MSN Money.  It made me stop and think.

 I’ve been a SAHM for 9 years.  I have no degree.  I have no career, aside from mothering.  How much will this time with my children cost me in terms of what I could have been earning for the last nine years? 

In the future, I may have to work harder or longer to be financially secure in my old age, but the years of being home with my children are priceless.

 

Lori: Beyond Nursing Necklaces

Lori makes nursing necklaces.  That doesn’t do them justice though.  Truthfully, her necklaces are works of art.  She can look at a picture of the Northern Lights and translate it into a beautiful necklace or communicate a child’s family story on a string of beads. She does all of this with the colors and symbols of the beads she chooses when she makes the necklace.  The string of beads is special, though, not only because it’s been tested by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, but because it’s a keepsake that will remain with the child long after he or she is done nursing.  I wanted to know more about the woman behind the nursing necklaces, so I asked. 

Lori has been married for 17 years to her college sweetheart. After waiting 10 years, they have had two children:  Konur, born in 2001 and Mali, born in 2004.  They include in their family their Golden Retriever mix, Sam who passed over in 2004 at the age of 16 years and Gabby who is a German Shepherd mix born in 2002.  She considers her first two children to be the lions she raised from cubs and who consider her their mother:  Shaka, who passed over in 1995 and Lia, who passed over in 2004. 

She has her own style of parenting but it closely fits with attachment parenting.  She says, “I am pretty crunchy, meaning I practice gentle discipline, attachment parenting, child led weaning, cloth diapering, home schooling, and home birthing.”  She finds the following sites useful: Kelly Mom , Dr. Sears , The University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab, and The Natural Child Project .

 wfg: How did your time with the lions help shape the way you parent today?

Lori: With lion cubs, you HAVE to be AP because the point of hand raising them is so they will attach themselves to the human handler. We wanted them to recognize me as Mama Lion so they could be handled by humans and not completely freak out. What we didn’t do was to socialize them with many other people when they were small cubs, so the last thing they wanted to do was be with anyone other than me. So, with my children I have let them stay attached to me, while encouraging them to be with other people and comfortable with them.  

I also learned that your children aren’t really yours, you borrow them, and no matter how many agreements you make with your favorite Deity, you could lose them forever. I learned to savor the moments, as they may never come again.  

 wfg: Why did you decide to home school/unschool? 

 Lori: It was a gradual decision. I started talking to other people who were home schooling and many of them were former elementary school teachers. I also researched the government policies and the crime rate/gangs in the local elementary schools. I feel that until high school, I am the best teacher for my children. They will have the choice at that point to go to a public school or stay home. 

 wfg: What are your hobbies? How do you integrate your hobbies into your day?  Do your kids participate with you?   

 Lori: I am pagan, so I like to read about history and spiritual practices and rituals. I am very interested in the Egyptian Deities right now. I am also working out again; I guess that’s a hobby. 

 I try to get library books of stories about Ancient Egypt to read to the children. They get to learn more about the Deities and so do I. Since I work out in front of the kids, they do generally join me for a few minutes and then go back to playing. I think it’s important for children to see their parents exercising to know what a healthy and active lifestyle looks like. Parents don’t need to “work out” but at least be active and show that to their children. When I am in better shape, and have dropped some weight, I want to join a sport or maybe belly dancing so it’s not just me in my home doing this, but showing the application of being in shape. 

wfg: Are you living the life you thought you’d be living?

Lori: Nope. When I was in high school, I thought I would be doing research in some far off country. I have a BS in Zoology and wanted to study animals. Then I got a job working with lions and tigers and was promised a house on a preserve. That was a HARD dream to let die, or at least put on the back burner. When I left there, I had no dreams at all and went through a pretty bad depression. I finally started to move on and got pregnant. I thought I would do the whole career and mom thing, but once he was born I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do. This is but one phase of my life; I am enjoying this part and I look forward to the next one!  

wfg: What do you hope to do after you’ve moved on from this phase in your life?  (Or where do you see yourself when your kids are older?)

Lori: Right now, I am in the “home schooling” phase with a little bit about my personal life. When they are a little older, I want to get into wild life rescue and then possibly exotic animal rescue. There are still states in the country where you can buy a big exotic animal like a lion or tiger so there is still a need for sanctuaries for these animals. I may also look into work at a zoo, since I have a bachelor’s in zoology.     

Thank you, Lori, for taking the time to answer my questions so I could share some of your story with the world.   

This is only a slice of Lori’s life!  Visit her website for more about her and her personalized nursing necklaces!  You can also find her on Etsy!

 

Attention, Moms!

This blog will soon be filled with the stories of other moms!  If you want me to interview you and post your story here, please let me know!  I’m looking for mothers in all ages, stages and paths.  Stay at home, work at home, work out of the home…we all have stories to share and we all have things to learn from each other!

The first interview will be with Lori, who is known around the world for her beautiful Nursing Necklaces!